May Newsletter 2013
It’s all about mom... whether you are a mother, are taking care of a mother, or love a mother; I want to wish a Happy Mother’s Day to all of
you! Women literally risk their life to have a baby. In the pioneer days, one out of four women died in childbirth. Although that doesn’t happen as often as it used to, the effort of carrying and giving birth to a baby is still substantial and challenging.
Make friends before you need them… ideas for visiting a sick friend. In a book titled, How to Be a Friend to a Friend Who’s Sick, by Ms. Letty Cottin Pogrebin, many suggestions are offered that help one know what to do (and what not to do) in such a situation. Here, I would like to summarize some of her best ideas for you:
* Rejoice at any good news, don’t minimize bad news.
* Treat your sick friend as you always did but never forget their changed circumstance.
* Avoid talking about your ailments and comparing them with what your friend is going through.
* Don’t assume you know more about their illness than you actually know. Avoid saying things like,
“At least they caught it early so you’ll be okay.”, when you don’t actually know if “they caught it early”. Maybe they didn’t catch it early and maybe it wouldn’t matter if they did.
* Asking questions and letting them talk while you listen might be the best help.
* Engage your friend in ways that make them feel useful, like asking for their advice.
* Don’t infantilize the patient.
* Think twice before giving advice.
* Let patients who are terminally ill set the conversation agenda.
* Don’t pressure them into ‘positive thinking’ or‘visualizing’.
* If you have more than one friend that is very sick, keep post it notes with their name on it by the phone so you can keep the name and disease/problem accurately connected.
Having read only excerpts from the book, I would say it sounds like a worthy read. This information led me to think that some people might need coaching for how to be a good patient.
Prior to the 1960’s, people were told and accepted that they should just follow doctor’s orders. By the 1980’s this had changed, and many individuals began to take on more responsibility for their health and healthcare. They began engaging with doctors that would “work with them”. Also around that same time, psychological observations about personality were recorded and evaluated. It was found that many individuals who were extremely nice and always appeared to put other people ahead of themselves seemed to develop cancer more often. Even worse, they were statistically the least likely to survive their cancer! This‘cancer victim’ label was assigned to that personality type. “Fighting to get well” became the new motto. Then somewhere in the 1990’s it became okay to‘surrender’. “Dying with dignity” became a parallel motto. So, what is right? Be nice? Be annoying, driving your doctor
and nurses nuts with constant suspicious questions? Decisions, decisions. Sometimes it’s just hard to know. Personally, I pray and ask God for wisdom.
How can a patient who is facing a life threatening illness help their visitors feel less uncomfortable? Having survived such an illness myself, I speak with some experience.
Here is what I did:
* Don’t overburden any one caregiver. For example, your spouse should NOT have to ‘do it all.’
Be willing to ask/allow others in your life to help, giving your primary caregiver a break. Hire help if
you can afford it. Utilize your health insurance to engage a nurse or nurse’s aide.
* Offer visitors pleasant distractions. When I was in the hospital, one of our best pastimes was to rent funny videos and laugh together. After the movie we had fun talking about ‘it’ instead of cancer.
This had increased benefit because laughter is medicine against fear as well as disease.
* Let people help, but don’t forget to be a gracious receiver. And be patient, their help will often
come on their schedule, not yours. Things get done, but sometimes not exactly the way you were hoping for. Practice gratitude and be gracious.
* Don’t use illness to test “who your real friends are.” You will only be setting yourself up for negative thoughts. Remember how busy your life was before you got sick.
* Eat and drink healthy foods and drinks. Show your loved ones you are doing all YOU can
to get well.
* Rest when the doctor says you have to rest. The tissues of the body need time to heal. Too much activity can interfere with and delay the healing process.
* Put forth your best effort into therapeutic practices, like exercise.
* Maintain balance between activity and rest.
* Learn what you can about what will help you ‘beat’ your disease.
* Those closest to you will be dealing with the idea of losing you. This is hard on them too, try to be extra understanding.
Relay for Life… since Dr. Gordy Klatt first walked and ran for twenty-four hours around a track in
Tacoma, WA in May 1985, ultimately raising $27,000 for the American Cancer Society, the Relay for Life movement has grown into a worldwide phenomenon, raising more than $4 billion to fight cancer. Cancer is currently one of our nation’s greatest health concerns.
Here’s how it works. Teams camp out overnight and take turns (this is why it’s called a relay) walking or running around a track or path at a local high school, park, or fairground. Events can be up to 24 hours in length and, because cancer never sleeps, each team is asked to have at least one participant on the track at all times. This year’s local Relay for Life event takes place at CSCS in Woodland Park, starting Friday, June 14th, at 7pm and lasting until 7am, June 15th. The event is meaningful and fun, would you like to join our team? If you are interested, please contact team captain Kristin Valenti at (719) 216-3955 or 687-7600.
If you are unable to join the fun, but would like to get involved, please join our fundraising efforts. We are selling luminaries for $5.00 apiece to honor those who’ve suffered this disease,
living or not. The luminaries will have “In honor of” or “In memory of” written on them, along with each person’s name. Then they will be lit and placed around the track for a very meaningful ceremony during which all the names are read. Another fundraiser you can participate in is the purchase of an I-pad pillow for $15 apiece, and/or paper flowers for .50 cents apiece. All of the proceeds will go to the
American Cancer Society. Anything you can do to help our team will be greatly appreciated!
Stay tuned… in June we will be fundraising at our own booth at our local Farmer’s Market. Details will follow next month, just in time for the first market.
