Start the year off right… with our January special. Purchase two acupuncture treatments and get the third one for free! All three sessions must be used within the month of January.
Let’s begin this year with humor… here are some funny thoughts.
On New Year’s Resolutions - last year my friend joined a support group for procrastinators. They haven't met yet!
On acts of coordination - I don't trip over things, I do random gravity checks!
When I was a child I thought nap time was a punishment - now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation.
I don't have gray hair; I have ‘wisdom highlights. I'm just very wise.
On stretching - if God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.
The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes".
Someday I’m going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do that second week.
Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud?
On terms we all use - at my age "getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.
On nutrition - chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree ... that makes it a plant, which means ... chocolate is salad.
Now Let’s Have Some ‘Pun’
Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Dijon vu - the same mustard you saw before.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
Shotgun wedding - a case of wife or death.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
What's the definition of a will? It's a dead giveaway.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes. In Communism no votes count.
She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted – taint yours and taint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
Once you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Murphy’s Fifteen OTHER laws
8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
9. The things that come to those who
wait, may be the things left by those who
got there first.
10. Flashlight: A case for holding dead
batteries.
11. God gave you toes as a device for finding
furniture in the dark.
Help us, “Help the Needy”… our January Saturday fundraiser will be on January 28th, from 9am until 1pm. Stop by for an adjustment or an acu-stim meridian balancing treatment in exchange for a donation. This month’s proceeds will benefit Help the Needy.
Let’s begin this year with humor… here are some funny thoughts.
On New Year’s Resolutions - last year my friend joined a support group for procrastinators. They haven't met yet!
On acts of coordination - I don't trip over things, I do random gravity checks!
When I was a child I thought nap time was a punishment - now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation.
I don't have gray hair; I have ‘wisdom highlights. I'm just very wise.
On stretching - if God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.
The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes".
Someday I’m going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do that second week.
Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud?
On terms we all use - at my age "getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.
On nutrition - chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree ... that makes it a plant, which means ... chocolate is salad.
Now Let’s Have Some ‘Pun’
Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Dijon vu - the same mustard you saw before.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
Shotgun wedding - a case of wife or death.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
What's the definition of a will? It's a dead giveaway.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes. In Communism no votes count.
She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted – taint yours and taint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
Once you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Murphy’s Fifteen OTHER laws
- Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
- A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
- He, who laughs last, thinks slowest.
- A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
- Change is inevitable, except from a vending
- Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented
- The 50-50-90 rule: anytime you have a 50-
8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
9. The things that come to those who
wait, may be the things left by those who
got there first.
10. Flashlight: A case for holding dead
batteries.
11. God gave you toes as a device for finding
furniture in the dark.
Help us, “Help the Needy”… our January Saturday fundraiser will be on January 28th, from 9am until 1pm. Stop by for an adjustment or an acu-stim meridian balancing treatment in exchange for a donation. This month’s proceeds will benefit Help the Needy.
