December 2020 Newsletter
In search of vegetable puns…
☺ Lettuce know.
☺ Turning vegan would be a big missed steak.
☺ I tried to grab the fog – I missed.
☺ For chemists, alcohol is not a problem – it’s
a solution.
☺ I scream, you scream – the police come –
it’s awkward.
☺ Despite the high cost of living – it remains
popular.
☺ I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I
don’t know ‘Y’.
☺ Crushing pop cans is soda depressing.
☺ Our mountains aren’t just funny – they’re hill
areas.
☺ Dogs can’t operate MRIs but Cats can!
☺ Life is short – if you can’t laugh at yourself,
call me, I will.
☺ What if I told you, you read the top line
wrong.
On the topic of modern health care…
☺ “I take aspirin for the headache caused by
Zyrtec. I take Zyrtec for the hay fever
symptoms I got from Relenza. I take
Relenza for the uneasy stomach from the
Ritalin. I take Ritalin for the short attention
span, which is caused by the scopederm
ITS which I take for the motion sickness
that I got from Lomotil. I take Lomotil for
the diarrhea caused by Zerikal. I take
Zerikal for the uncontrolled weight gain
caused by taking Paxil. I take Paxil for the
anxiety caused by taking Zopar. I take
Zopar for my high cholesterol because…
exercise, a good diet and regular
chiropractic care is just too much
trouble.”
Other jokes to share during the holidays…
☺ How does NASA organize a party? They
planet.
☺ What did one toilet say to the other? You
look flushed.
☺ A man walks into a library and asks the
librarian for books about paranoia – she
whispers, “They’re right behind you!”
☺ Why don’t koala’s count as bears? They
don’t have the right koalafications.
☺ I saw a movie about how ships are put
together. It was riveting.
☺ Which rock group has four guys who can’t
sing or play instruments? Mt. Rushmore.
☺ What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks
down? It gets toad away.
☺ What do you call a pile of kittens?
A meowtain
☺ What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
☺ You’ve heard about Murphey’s law?
Anything that can go wrong will go wrong,
and at the worse possible minute. How
about Cole’s law? No?? – It’s julienned
cabbage in a creamy dressing.
☺ Why was the tomato red? Because he saw
the salad dressing.
☺ I got my wife a fridge for her birthday. Her
face lit up when she opened it!
☺ Why were they called, “The Dark Ages”?
Because there were lots of knights.
☺ How does a dog stop a video from playing?
By hitting the paws button!
☺ People think “icy” is the easiest word to
spell. Come to think of it, I see why!
☺ The teacher told me I’d never amount to
much because I procrastinate so much. I
told her, “Just you wait!”
☺ What’s a balloon’s least favorite type of
music?? Pop.
☺ A thief stuck a pistol in the victim’s ribs and
said, “Give me your money.” The man said,
“You can’t do this, I’m a congressman!” The
thief replied, “In that case give me MY
money.”
☺ What do snowmen have for breakfast?
Frosted flakes.
☺ What bow can NOT be tied? A rainbow.
☺ How many tickles does it take to make an
octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.
☺ Bank robber stands at the teller window,
pulls out his gun and says, “Give me all the
money or you’re Geography!” The puzzled
teller replies, “Did you mean to say, “or
you’re History”?” The robber says, “Don’t
change the subject!”
☺ What do you call sad coffee? Depresso.
☺ What did the duck say when she bought
lipstick? Put it on my bill.
☺ What never asks questions but leaves a lot
of answers? A telephone.
☺ What’s the difference between a school
teacher and a train? A teacher says, “spit
out your gum”. A train says, “chew, chew,
chew”.
☺ How is Christmas like your job?? You do all
the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all
the credit.
News to me too- I read yesterday that taking the supplement ‘Quercetin with the mineral ‘zinc’ helps the zinc get into the cell where it will stop a virus from using your DNA to replicate itself. This is very similar in action to Hydroxychloroquine. Quercetin is considered a sinus support usually used with milk thistle herb to dry out sinus’s. Zinc helps stop cold and flu virus’s but has trouble getting into the cells.
☺ A husband and wife are driving through
Louisiana. They approach the town of
Natchitoches. They start arguing about how
to pronounce the name of the town. When
they stop for lunch the husband asks the
waiter, “Would you clear something up for
us? Could you please slowly pronounce the
name of where we are?” The waiter stares
him right in the eyes and says, “Buuurrr-
gerrr Kiiiing.”
☺ What did the stamp say to the Christmas
card? Stick with me and we’ll go places.
☺ What do you call Santa’s little helpers?
Subordinate clauses.
☺ What’s the difference between the
Christmas alphabet and the ordinary
alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has No-
el.
All of us here at Active Life Chiropractic wish you and your loved ones a very Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Joyous Noel, Happy New Year, Happy Holidays.
In search of vegetable puns…
☺ Lettuce know.
☺ Turning vegan would be a big missed steak.
☺ I tried to grab the fog – I missed.
☺ For chemists, alcohol is not a problem – it’s
a solution.
☺ I scream, you scream – the police come –
it’s awkward.
☺ Despite the high cost of living – it remains
popular.
☺ I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I
don’t know ‘Y’.
☺ Crushing pop cans is soda depressing.
☺ Our mountains aren’t just funny – they’re hill
areas.
☺ Dogs can’t operate MRIs but Cats can!
☺ Life is short – if you can’t laugh at yourself,
call me, I will.
☺ What if I told you, you read the top line
wrong.
On the topic of modern health care…
☺ “I take aspirin for the headache caused by
Zyrtec. I take Zyrtec for the hay fever
symptoms I got from Relenza. I take
Relenza for the uneasy stomach from the
Ritalin. I take Ritalin for the short attention
span, which is caused by the scopederm
ITS which I take for the motion sickness
that I got from Lomotil. I take Lomotil for
the diarrhea caused by Zerikal. I take
Zerikal for the uncontrolled weight gain
caused by taking Paxil. I take Paxil for the
anxiety caused by taking Zopar. I take
Zopar for my high cholesterol because…
exercise, a good diet and regular
chiropractic care is just too much
trouble.”
Other jokes to share during the holidays…
☺ How does NASA organize a party? They
planet.
☺ What did one toilet say to the other? You
look flushed.
☺ A man walks into a library and asks the
librarian for books about paranoia – she
whispers, “They’re right behind you!”
☺ Why don’t koala’s count as bears? They
don’t have the right koalafications.
☺ I saw a movie about how ships are put
together. It was riveting.
☺ Which rock group has four guys who can’t
sing or play instruments? Mt. Rushmore.
☺ What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks
down? It gets toad away.
☺ What do you call a pile of kittens?
A meowtain
☺ What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
☺ You’ve heard about Murphey’s law?
Anything that can go wrong will go wrong,
and at the worse possible minute. How
about Cole’s law? No?? – It’s julienned
cabbage in a creamy dressing.
☺ Why was the tomato red? Because he saw
the salad dressing.
☺ I got my wife a fridge for her birthday. Her
face lit up when she opened it!
☺ Why were they called, “The Dark Ages”?
Because there were lots of knights.
☺ How does a dog stop a video from playing?
By hitting the paws button!
☺ People think “icy” is the easiest word to
spell. Come to think of it, I see why!
☺ The teacher told me I’d never amount to
much because I procrastinate so much. I
told her, “Just you wait!”
☺ What’s a balloon’s least favorite type of
music?? Pop.
☺ A thief stuck a pistol in the victim’s ribs and
said, “Give me your money.” The man said,
“You can’t do this, I’m a congressman!” The
thief replied, “In that case give me MY
money.”
☺ What do snowmen have for breakfast?
Frosted flakes.
☺ What bow can NOT be tied? A rainbow.
☺ How many tickles does it take to make an
octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.
☺ Bank robber stands at the teller window,
pulls out his gun and says, “Give me all the
money or you’re Geography!” The puzzled
teller replies, “Did you mean to say, “or
you’re History”?” The robber says, “Don’t
change the subject!”
☺ What do you call sad coffee? Depresso.
☺ What did the duck say when she bought
lipstick? Put it on my bill.
☺ What never asks questions but leaves a lot
of answers? A telephone.
☺ What’s the difference between a school
teacher and a train? A teacher says, “spit
out your gum”. A train says, “chew, chew,
chew”.
☺ How is Christmas like your job?? You do all
the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all
the credit.
News to me too- I read yesterday that taking the supplement ‘Quercetin with the mineral ‘zinc’ helps the zinc get into the cell where it will stop a virus from using your DNA to replicate itself. This is very similar in action to Hydroxychloroquine. Quercetin is considered a sinus support usually used with milk thistle herb to dry out sinus’s. Zinc helps stop cold and flu virus’s but has trouble getting into the cells.
☺ A husband and wife are driving through
Louisiana. They approach the town of
Natchitoches. They start arguing about how
to pronounce the name of the town. When
they stop for lunch the husband asks the
waiter, “Would you clear something up for
us? Could you please slowly pronounce the
name of where we are?” The waiter stares
him right in the eyes and says, “Buuurrr-
gerrr Kiiiing.”
☺ What did the stamp say to the Christmas
card? Stick with me and we’ll go places.
☺ What do you call Santa’s little helpers?
Subordinate clauses.
☺ What’s the difference between the
Christmas alphabet and the ordinary
alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has No-
el.
All of us here at Active Life Chiropractic wish you and your loved ones a very Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Joyous Noel, Happy New Year, Happy Holidays.
